If you guys read my previous story—Magic Items save the day!—you heard something about an evil turnip killing me.
This is what happened.
So I was out the week before (or not paying attention) and we were on a small boat on the way to some desert where the final stereotypical Lich wizard was waiting for us. We decided to be good little trains and follow the railroad to the front door of the boss.
Upon leaving the boat our party followed a trail to a large 60 ft diameter clearing in the trees. Directly in the center of this clearing was a giant turnip/parsnip. It didn’t seem very active so I decided to slowly advance towards it.
(Editors note: this is why knowing about the deadly Gazebo is so important! Never underestimate your inanimate foes!)
After moving in a good 10 ft the turnip burrowed underground! My character had reached pretty much his max speed at this point and decided to take evasive maneuvers. He ran around the outside of the circle and reached the direct opposite side.
Upon reaching the other side of the circle the ground under my character’s feet erupted and I got swallowed by the turnip.
The next few minutes go as follows:
Me: “I get swallowed by the turnip?”
Me: ::Thinks back to previous situations:: “Ok I’ll use my cape next round and escape!”
DM: “Hold on there. You take swallowing damage first!”
Me: “Doesn’t that take effect next round?”
DM: “No.” (Yes, but I don’t like you foiling my plots)
Me: “Whatever.” (Has about 40 HP and 15 CON)
DM: “You take 37 damage and 4 Constitution drain.”
Me: ::math, math, math:: ”Ok. I’m still alive!”
Me: “Wait………” ::math, math:: ”Nope. I’m Dead. Constitution drain killed me. -11.”
So my character was digested and sat in this turnip’s stomach waiting to be rescued by the party. Which again will be another story. (Yay series of stories?)
After the other characters killed said turnip and cut him open to rescue my body… (Did I say body? I meant magic items…) They discovered that all the virtually indestructible magic items I had on my person had been destroyed by the turnip’s stomach acid.
So remember kiddies: if you piss the DM off, don’t be surprised when a giant turnip eats you and steals your magic items.